Extricating myself from a ditch or a tangle of Twister players would have been easier than leaving The Snake’s recent martial arts program. In hindsight, we rushed into joining this program. It was 3 minutes away, the cost was reasonable, the people seemed nice, and best of all nearly every kid in our neighborhood went there — carpool options galore. What could be better? Well, hopefully somewhere else, at least for us.
This program is certainly adequate and positive for many kids — just not ours. There were a variety of issues, but what it really all came down to was that the style of instruction was not compatible with the way our son learns. Unfortunately, due to a variety of scheduling issues, I had to perform this break up via email. Frustrating at best.
But this isn’t meant to be about The Snake and his karate teacher — it’s about me. Cause, hey, it’s my blog. Seriously, why is it that at the ripe age of 38 I am still so concerned about what people think? This entire exchange was extremely uncomfortable for me, and filled with tons of angst. I literally lost sleep. What makes me the most upset, is that I wonder if I left him attending this program longer than I should have, simply because I didn’t want to deal with the confrontation that was bound to happen. We’d been talking about pulling him out for months. But it was convenient. His friends were there.
How did I wind up in this place? At this stage of my life it seems I have few close friends. All the moves, the young children have prevented me from having many opportunities to really get to know anyone (except my online pals, whom I treasure). On the other hand, at this stage of my life I know myself too well to just make friends for the sake of making them. I want a real connection. I’m trying hard to be my authentic self, as Brene Brown talks about. I only wish I could shed my need for others to like that self. We all have a need to belong, but that need can’t trump being authentic. What a tangled mess.
Add to all that this new stage of parenting. My big boy is entering all sorts of new realms of independence, and navigating them can be pretty tough. Trying to coach him is a challenge. And advocating for your child can be even harder when some days you barely feel like a grown-up yourself.