Freshly Fallen

Today is our first snowfall.  The first day of a new month.  The first day of our winter holiday, Hanukkah.

And the end of my month of gratitude.  I could be snarky and say I’m grateful it is over, and that would be a little bit true.  Mostly I’m disappointed, as I failed to take a photo every day, and more importantly struggled to feel truly grateful everyday.  We were hit pretty hard with a batch of illnesses, then had family visiting for the holiday, and my dedication just disappeared.

After abandoning my 365 photos a day project last year, and struggling with a self-portrait project, I really had hoped this simple one would be do-able.  And it should have been.  Lately I find it most difficult to decide when to practice self-kindness and when I need to get myself motivated.  How do you decide?  When is it okay to say life is kicking my butt and when do I say I need a kick in the butt?  I want to set goals and achieve them, but I also have to acknowledge that my priority at the moment is caregiver.  Yet to be a better caregiver, I need to feel fulfilled.  Sometimes it feels like is vicious vortex.

So, today I will resolve … something.  To try being grateful more often, to savor those everyday moments, and document them for myself when I’m moved to do so.  To keep chipping away at my goals, to set flexible deadlines.  To accept my current situation, and the impermanence of those constraints.

Oh, and I hope you all had a lovely holiday, and Happy Birthday to my Mom!

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3 Responses to Freshly Fallen

  1. Pingback: Starting Over | Life in Eden

  2. Kyran says:

    Happy Hanukkah! I hope it’s okay if I offer this gift, an evening meditation from the New Zealand Book of Common Prayer: “What has been done has been done; what has not been done has not been done; let it be.”

    Those words always comfort me when I’m lying in bed anguishing over all the ways in which I’ve fallen short of my own impossible standards that day. I hope it does the same for you. 🙂

  3. I think any gratitude is good — how can one fail? I am sorry your family has been ill. I homeschooled until this year and am still dealing with some serious stuff for my children that is almost a full-time job, and I know what you mean about needing to be a care-giver first. The hardest thing is that it is a relatively thankless job. There are rewards, of course, but no-one says “look what you accomplished today!”

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